If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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