i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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