I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
