The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
