if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
