i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
