i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
