Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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