I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
