Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
