you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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