haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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