Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
