Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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