we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
