how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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