I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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