I didn't shave. On purpose
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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