I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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