We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she told me i tasted like america
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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