just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
