You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
