nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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