He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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