He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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