Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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