...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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