I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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