Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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