"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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