wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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