sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
