you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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