I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
