nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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