He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just had sex on a roof
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
