If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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