you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize