Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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