who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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