Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How external is "for external use only"?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
