bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i think i just lost a toe
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
