i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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