have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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