Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
