After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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