I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
