I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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