the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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