I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
