We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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