So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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