Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
