I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
