yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
