Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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