The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
