i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
