i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
