I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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