Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Randomize
