And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
