you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
