I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There r osticjed everywhere
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
