I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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