I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
