Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
