I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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