It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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