im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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