I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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