Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
