ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
