oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
