i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
