I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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